Unspoken: I’m Struggling As A Parent Recap & Resources

By October 5, 2015Blog

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Parenting is not an issue just for those who have kids… It’s an issue for the whole church. #Unspoken

God has a purpose for parenting and He has a purpose for children. #Unspoken

“I thought parenting was going to reveal my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses.” ― Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

In Psalm 78:2-8 God reveals to us the goal or aim of parenting.

I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.”

God calls parents to lead their children to set their hope in God (vs. 7)

God calls parents to teach their children to remember the Word and works of God (vs. 7)

I. Parenting Is A Matter Of The Heart #Unspoken

Parenting challenges the motives of your heart, when you aim to point your children’s hearts toward Christ. #Unspoken

Parents: The Goal Of Everything You Do Is Heart Change #Unspoken

“Our central objective in instruction, discipline and correction is heart change, not behavior change. This profoundly shapes how we view consequences.”

Tedd Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart

Behavior Reflects The Heart

Luke 6:45 (ESV)

“45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

II. Parents Aim For The Heart Through Discipline

“All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart.”

Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart

Discipline Calls Out Sin, Points To God, & Results In Holiness #Unspoken #Hebrews12

“What is important in correction is not venting your feelings, anger or hurt; it is, rather, understanding the nature of the struggle that your child is having. What is important is understanding the “why” of what has been done or said.”

― Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart

III. Parents Aim For The Heart Through Instruction #Unspoken

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 (ESV)

“6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” 

Teach Them That God Is More Powerful Than Our Sin

“The one encouragement we can always give our children (and one another) is that God is more powerful than our sin, and He’s strong enough to make us want to do the right thing.”

Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus

Teach Them The Greatest Life Is Found In Living For God

The world is telling them to find their delight in possessions. If we don’t direct our children to the truth that a life worth living is found in knowing and serving God, the world will tell them the opposite.

 Teach Them Big Truths About God

“Give your children big truths they will grow into rather than light explanations they will grow out of.”

Tedd Tripp

Teach Them Through Everyday Life Experiences

Take advantage of the opportunities that life brings to point out the need for God, and share how to live for Him in the moment, so they will follow after Him in the future.

Practical Advice For Parents

1. Make Time For A Family Devotion

Pray, Sing, Read Scripture, Talk About It, & Memorize Scripture Together

Start with one time per week as a family, and encourage daily prayer and devotion individually.

Family/ Children’s Bibles

The Jesus Story Book Bible written by Sally Loyd-Jones (Every Home Needs This One)

The Mighty Acts of God written by Starr Meade

The Children’s Story Book Bible written by Catherine F. Vos

Other Resources:

Long Story Short by Marty Machowski

The Big Book of Questions & Answers by Sinclair Ferguson

God’s Names by Sally Michael

Window on the World by Daphne Spraggett with Jill Johnstone

2. Make Your Place A Place To Be

“The most powerful way to keep your children from being attracted by the offers of camaraderie from the wicked is to make home an attractive place to be.” ― Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart

3. Give Them Tools To Communicate


Spend Time Doing “Their” Thing With Them

Introduce “the appeal” in your relationship with your kids. Letting them respectfully counter your instructions with their input for you to reconsider. You don’t have to say yes to an appeal, but you may have missed something and it gives them a respectful way to use their voice.

4. Show Them Grace

God has been abundantly gracious to us, we should be toward our children. Showing grace is not the absence of discipline or consequences, but the understanding that we all need Christ. Graciously walk through failures together and point toward Christ. As a parent, change how your parenting to help your kids overcome their struggles, as an act of grace.

Recommended Books on Parenting by Rob:

Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids With The Love Of Jesus by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

Instructing A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

Another list of recommended books by a source I trust: 


Books from Children Desiring God


Good Articles on The Gospel Coalition Website: